As a left wing feminist I have grown comfortable with the fact that I am not living out the vision my family matriarchs had for me when I was just a bundle of pink lace. I am twenty five and motherhood is still a distant dream I have deferred to get a Masters degree. For this stage in life, I have traded long nights with a crying baby for more long nights hunched over a text book. There are the times when I am certain that snuggling with an infant would be far more pleasant than pulling all nighters still in my mid twenties. However, and I do not say this to disparage mothers at all, I personally feel that I have dreams to accomplish still in order to give my future children a good life.
I am the first woman in my family to attend college and I am certainly the first radical feminist. My views have always made the women (and men for that matter) of my family a bit uncomfortable. I went through a vegetarian phase in high school, and like that phase, my family hoped the feminist phase would pass as well. Well, here I am, 10 years after trying to draft my first feminist manifesto (yeah at 15- I wonder why I never had a prom date!) and I am still intensely interested in gender equality. My views have grown up, but the passion remains the same.
Last year in a sociology class I looked at suicide rates among the elderly. Suicide in general is lower among people with a strong peer group. I looked at the Red Hat Society as a deterrent to suicide among elderly women who have lost their spouses. From the data I could find, it seems that any group that creates positive support and community has an impact on the mental health of its members.
Sociology is not my immediate field of study, and I left that project feeling dissatisfied with the final result. My minor however is in Gender Studies. An academic pursuit such as this is often interdisciplinary giving me exposure to different fields and broadening my viewpoints. A few months ago I attended a Gender Studies conference. The first thing that always strikes me at these conferences and women's rallies is the feeling of community. Women are programmed by society to compete with each other and tear each other apart. A common theme in the research sessions I attended this year focused on marginalized groups of women in society who lose their voice and visibility.
About a month after this conference I was talking to my grandmother about her recent Red Hat conference. I noticed this same feeling of community coming through her pictures and stories. I thought on that. She talked of women who lost spouses and turned to their local chapter of Red Hat's. She also talked about women who called on their "Red Hatters" first in times of need. I was blown away by the community these women have created. For one of the first times, I found a link between my values and my family.
As a society, we shun our crones. I sincerely say "crone" with the utmost respect and mean women of a certain age with valuable life experiences that have made them wise. The women who've born three generations should be venerated. These Red Hat women are often loud, ostentatious, and colorful. Good for them! I've heard countless people complain about Red Hat Society women. From "They look ridiculous!" to "Women of their age should act with more decorum," I've heard it all. Why? Why are they ridiculous and unworthy of a good time? It is certainly far more respectable than the socially accepted old man in his pajamas surrounded by silicone injected twenty year old's.
Men have the right to "play" their entire lives. The difference begins around the time everyone gets married. At least in my Midwest experience, the women stay in the house to make sure the food is ready, the children are cared for (or at least find the sitter), and the house stays clean and damage free. The men either slump down on the couch for endless football games or throw back a few beers and play outside. Middle age rolls around. Men are socially able (even expected) to cheat on their wives, go get a Harley, and act sixteen again. It is only their "midlife crisis." Their wives are no longer interesting because instead of marrying a whole person they married a body. This body they married belongs to them and their societies mores. There are good men out there. Do not think I hate men. I am married to one of the good ones! I am simply looking at patterns which are acceptable.
A society that views women as bodies subjected to their husbands and the society at large would, of course, take issue with women being visible and vocal in their latter years. Even the most glamorous pin-up eventually feels the weight of her years, and society would like to discard these women. The value of a woman needs to rest on her actions and experiences not her appearance. This is what I think the Red Hat Society is all about. For the first time in many of their lives, these women have been able to play again.
My hat is off to these women. I stand in awe of women who have thrown off the shackles of patriarchal society and proudly wear their purple and red. From the Red Hat Society's web page comes the statement I believe sums the entire movement up, "They have become their own women's movement – not strident, not angry – with a strong emphasis on the positive aspects of life, stressing the importance of friendship and sisterhood, the value of play, and a determination to find the good in life everywhere possible." They embrace their status as crones and refuse to fade into obscurity.
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